Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Stillbirth the Gift that keeps on Giving...

Conversation between "innocent"(i.e. a non dead baby club member) mother and her daughter:

Mom to young daughter: Have you noticed anything different about me lately?

Daughter to Mom, smiling, "Yes!"

Mom: "What did you notice?"

Daughter to Mom, "Your tummy is getting big!"

Mom to daughter: "Why do you think that is?"

Daughter to Mom: "Cuz you have a baby in there!!"

Mom to daughter: "You're right!! Isn't it exciting!"

Daughter to Mom: "Ohhh I hope it's a girl, oh can we pick out names, can we make a
baby room?!"

Mom to daughter; "Of course we can, let's go get started right now, 4 and a half months
will go by so quickly, the baby will be here before we know it!"

Mom and daughter clasp hands and skip off into the sunset.

Conversation between deadbaby mom and young daughter:

Mom to daughter: "Have you noticed anything different about me lately?"

Daughter to Mom, smiling: "Yes!"

Mom to daughter: "What did you notice?"

Daughter to Mom: "Your tummy is getting big!"

Mom to daughter: "Why do you think that is?"

Daughter to Mom: "Cuz you have a baby in there!!"

Mom to daughter: "That's right, there is a baby in there."

Daughter to Mom, holding both her hands up motioning with her fingers," Let's cross all
of our fingers that this one doesn't die"

Daughter runs upstairs and out of sight. Mom dissolves into tears, standing alone in her kitchen, cursing the God she professes not to believe in, for not only taking her son, but for stealing her children's innocence, right along with him.



CLC said...

I'm sorry that your children have to know about death so young. That's a heartbreaking conversation to have. I'm sorry Kalakaly. It just sucks. You're right, though, it's the gift that keeps on giving, even when we don't want anymore.

I am hoping/praying/crossing fingers that this time is different. And I just read your last post too, and I hope your worry is for nothing.

niobe said...

So heartbreaking. Loss brings with it so many unexpected sources of sorrow.

What makes me feel a little bit better (though it may not work at all for you) is to tell myself that the (admittedly tiny) silver lining is that my son will have a more realistic view about what life can bring and not be blindsided by tragedy.

But, admittedly, it's easier for me to think that way because my son is so much older than your children.

G said...

It is sad, that loss of innocence. For YOU and for her.

I can't help but see a bit of a silver lining too, as niobe says. She will have more appreciation and realistic views... Or at least in theory..


Brooke said...

ah yes, the gift that keeps on giving, and has no return policy. It's crap. I hate that our children have to know such sorrow at such a young age.

Tash said...

Augh. If it's any consolation, I bet that conversation was a million times harder on you than her.

One thing that freaks me about a potential future pregnancy is having to couch all my answers to Bella with "Maybe," "we'll see," and "hopefully." It's not fair in the slightest.

And I'm with Niobe -- a slightly less naive and blithe girl in the world isn't necessarily a bad thing. As long as it doesn't cross that line into pathological pessimism.

Thinking of you.

STE said...


Holli said...

I think the effect my loss has had on my older son is even harder than the loss itself. Right before I told my son his sister had died, he smiled at me and I remember thinking, "Your life is never going to be the same". Telling him was seriously the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Even harder than burrying my daughter.


Coggy said...

God that's tough, so tough. I can't imagine having to hear that come out the mouth of a little girl. It's so not right, but then half of me thinks wow I wish I'd been that clued in earlier. On hindsight that's just me being jaded.

Give your daughter a big hug from me, even though she doesn't know me from Adam. Just tell her the Tshirt woman wanted to give her a hug. Get her to give you one back from me. x x x

Julia said...

You know, Monkey says things about this brother not dying, a lot. But she is also happy about this brother a lot of the time. Petting the belly, talking to him, staying there with her little hands on the belly asking for a kick. It's very bittersweet, all of it.
I try to look at it from this POV-- given that A is dead and it can't be changed, all I can do is help Monkey integrate the experience, to make sure she is not scarred by it, even if she is marked. You know?

Ashleigh said...

yup- that has been one of the toughest things to deal with- that i was not able to protect my children from this kind of horrific awareness. i hate that my 5 year old asks me if this baby will die too and i hate that i can't give him an answer.

Rosalind said...

My sentiments exactly... It really sucks that their innocents was completely sucked from them ..It's just so unfair

Reese said...

Hey Girl!

Anything above 1.1. usually means immunity (assuming they test with similar machines and ranges). Since these are from October, you have been exposed in the past (since you didn't have your IgM, can't tell you if that was way before you tested, or when you tested).

This is great news! Take a breath!