Monday, April 28, 2008


Before I start, let me say to everyone, THANK YOU, for all of your advice, support and kind words. So many new people commented on my last few posts and I just never cease to be amazed by this endless resource of women I have found (and who seem to have found me) here in this place we call dead baby land. So to all of you who are new to me, thank you for commenting and supporting me and to all of my 'regulars', you women keep me sane in this world of crazy I am living in, so thank you from the bottom of me wee little heart, broken but healing as it may be. You rock my world!

So I read every one's comments on what to do after the OBitch's office called. I pondered and questioned what it was I really wanted from them. I talked it over with the husband, put a call into my SF friend (who started the draft of the letter many months ago) and then I slept on it figuring I'd talk to SF friend the next day and then decide my next step. Apparently the OBitch's office couldn't wait, they called AGAIN, the next morning, not even 24 hours after the first call. That message was, "Hi, it's C from OBitch's office, I'd really like to talk to you, if you have a moment today, please call me back.". That message pissed me off. I mean Jesus, it took me almost 7 f*ing months to write the letter at all, couldn't she give me a little time to digest her phone call and what my response was going to be??? I don't like being pissed off, I really don't. I called SF friend and she suggested just calling after hours and saying that I am just too emotional to talk about things which is why I wrote the letter in the first place. Now,if I had spoken to her the night before, before I was pissed that is, I probably would have done just that. But now, with my new pissy-ness all riled up in me, I didn't want to play my dead baby mama card. I wanted to lay it all on her lap. So I took most of your advice, I wrote a list of everything I thought they did wrong, all of the changes I thought they could make in their office protocol in dealing with moms of stillborns, all of the outside support resources that should be given to a new dead baby mom etc.. I thought maybe I really can make a difference for another mom, maybe just maybe I can do something to make someone else not feel so alone and desperate for help and guidance as I did in the hours and days after finding out that our baby had died. And then bright and early the next morning, after I knew the office was open, I called her back. Her phone rang and rang and rang and finally, her voice...mail. Damn it. I was going to hang up but I am never sure how long one mood is going to stay with me these days and in the event my pisy-ness turned back into weepy-ness I decided to leave a message. I said who I was and that I appreciated her calling me back and thanked her for her first message, then I said I am not sure why you want to talk to me or what you want to talk about, but I just wanted to respond to her phone calls and say that I did appreciate her responding to my letter. And I hung up. I figured now if she was going to call again, at least she would maybe, leave a message, maybe, saying specifically why she was being so god damn pesky with her phone calls. Except she didn't call back, not the next day or the next. Nothing. Nada. Zippo. I thought maybe they decided to write me back, so over the weekend I checked the mail (I have been known to leave my mail in my mailbox for days and even weeks at a time. My postal carrier hates me I am sure. The only thing I ever get in the mail anymore are hard copies of bills I pay online anyway so why waste a trip to the curb just to carry stuff into my backyard and throw it away I ask??? Seriously,if you are sending me stuff in snail mail, email me so I know to look for it... those weeks back in December and January when all the free stuff meme was coming, I was standing curbside at the ready, much to the utter disbelief of my postal carrier, lest she decide to pocket my dead baby jewels or dead baby t-shirt or Niobe photos, and now that they all are here safely, I have resumed my mailbox avoidance tactics....but I digress)
No letter. Paper bills and useless free mailers, I HATE THOSE, but no letter. I thought maybe I sounded harsher in my message than I realized, this has been a frequent umm, issue, of mine, I think sarcastic, listener thinks Bitch, let's just say I have to apologize A LOT when I am talking.
Today, she called. I missed the call THANK the GOD I don't believe in and my unlucky stars above. Her message to me? "Hi It's C again. I don't want to bug you, one of the things in your letter, one of your concerns was our billing practices so I just wanted to explain how and why we bill the way we do, if you are interested in talking about that then call me back otherwise we can just leave things at that." WHAT THE FUCK??? She's been calling about the fucking BILL??? That's it? Oh for Christ's sake, don't even waste my time lady. If that is all you got out of my letter and that is all you care about "explaining" to me, I have a few words for you, they are the one's I left out of my letter, the ones that say, FUCK YOU.
I have no desire to listen to her rationalize why they feel it is ok to bill me for a full term pregnancy/delivery when I delivered at 23 weeks. I have no desire to hear her tell me that they don't bill "extra" if you go past your due date and for the same screwed up reason they don't "pro-rate" an early delivery. That's the 'logic' I am sure she would try to sell me, unsuccessfully. And the real pisser, of all of the things I wrote about, that would have been the easiest thing for them to fix, you know? They could have ignored everything, waived the balance and gone on their merry, unfeeling way, but nooooo, they want their $600(my portion after insurance) and they want me to 'understand' why I should feel good paying it. Fuckers. Never mind all of the awful things that were said to me or done to me, that doesn't matter at all, it's all about the bottom line, the almighty buck. Well, I can tell you this, the buck stops here and it sure as hell ain't going to that office. Should I receive another bill, I'll be sure to post the letter I send with it. It won't be pretty, it won't be nice and I won't apologize for it either, not one bit. Fuckers.

P.S. Sorry for all the pissy-ness is back with a vengeance, best for me to stay away from real live folks for a bit, lest I start my next post with a plea for bail money.


c. said...

Holy shit, K. I'm pissed at those fuckers for you! OMG. I can't believe the nerve. You can chalk this one up to that long list of deficiencies that they've already chosen to ignore. What an ass. The lot of them. All asses. I'm so sorry that they have COMPLETELY IGNORED every important bit of that letter you wrote. I'm sorry that this has to be your experience. I'm still shaking my head here. XO.
PS Can't wait to see that follow up letter ;o)

Aunt Becky said...

My blood is boiling for you. What a deplorable thing to do.



Sarah said...

Ooh, fuckers IS the right word. It's a total kick in the gut to have to pay for delivering a dead baby. Like I said before, I've been fighting with mine since's not enough that we didn't get to take a baby home with us...we also have to give them a HUGE chunk of money for the experience? Thanks. Fuckers.

G said...

Oh helllllllll no, no they di'n't.

Fuck that, don't wait for a bill. You tried to play nice and this is the shit you get served? I would send another letter cc'ing every fucking medical association, hospital, etc. I would also cc the local "5 on your side" news shit. Nothing like a little (or lot) of bad press, or even the promise of it with a nice cc line they can read and understand. Hell you don't even need to write a new letter, your last one was great. Just reissue it with a CC line, attach a "I expect to hear from your office in writing regarding the outstanding (or lack thereof) bill" cover letter and that you would appreciate them no longer contacting you via telephone.

Fucking fuckers, seriously I am ready to throw down.

Amy said...

First off I will bail your ass out! I need a vacation anyhow, I'll join you in the cell first and we can laugh about the stupid people!

Secondly, FUCK them! Why the hell is money the only fucking thing that matters. Babies even if they are not living matter and our feelings matter. Oh, FUCK them! Sorry for all of the F's on my end but man they piss me off!

Thinking of you and hoping if you're drinking your thinking of me! hahaha!

Love and Peace!

CLC said...

That is completely outrageous. I second G's notion. I think they need some bad press to whip them into shape. Fuckers. Felt like I should say it since everyone else did:)

Tash said...

I heard someone saying fuckers and had to come and see what the fuss was . . .

!!! Although, given today's state of the medical, I can't say I'm surprised. sadly. That really is all they care about. It's why most of us pay our copay upfront -- I guess so in the event the docs piss us off in the back and we storm out in a huff, at least they get something.

I'd address your nastygram now to the state medical board and cc your OB's office on it (include this latest turn on ignoring everything in the letter other than the bill), and send everything registered so they know you know they got it.

Fucking fuckers. I'm really sorry. I hate this insult on top of injury thing that seems to go around, I really do.

niobe said...

I missed most of this, but, while I'm not sure where you're located (which may just be my own stupidity), but if you're in the US, I would consider refusing to talk to them except to say that you're consulting with an attorney and have been advised not to discuss the matter further and if they wish to communicate with you in any way, they should do it in writing. (you don't actually have to consult an attorney, but saying that you are may shake them up a little).

Then -- again, depending on where you're located -- you might want to write them a letter saying that if you receive any further bills, you will consider taking them to small claims court to dispute the bill. Again, you don't actually have to have any intention of going to court -- it's just to get them to stay the f*ck away from you, since nothing constructive is going to come out of dealing with them.

Brooke said...

oh fuck that.

i'm with niobe. just tell em you're in the middle of getting legal advice. just to freak the fuckers out.

Im so sorry youre still not having any luck with them. I'm about to start my battle too...
keep fighting them! Things need to change.

MeghatronsMom said...

I am so sorry all of this going on. I found your blog through a friends blog. When I had a first trimester miscarriage, I had a D&C. I too was charged for a full delivery! WTF! I wasn't as strong as you, but I did send the a$$holes ONE DOLLAR a month. After about a year & a half, they quit billing me. It was costing them more to send me a monthly bill & processing a dollar check each month. Again, I am sorry you are going through this now on top of everything else! F---ers!

Tricia said...

I'm sorry but not surprised.

Ange said...

So shocked reading that... FUCKIN FUCKERS.

janis said...

Holy cow, $$$$ rocks the world.
No wonder you are pissed. Some people really need to be educated. I am so sorry you have to take all this shit.

Julia said...

Fuckers is exactly right.
I like Niobe's advice. Magic words-- lawyers, court, and, maybe, bad press, too.

Olive Lucy said...

K- I believe fuck em fucker is the correct term. i also think that you should return the bill with a note that says when hell freezes over you might consider paying the balance but until then FUCK OFF.

kate said...

I missed this but i read a few posts back -- i just wanted to say that i am truly appalled by them and i think that the letter you wrote was just fabulous. And, i agree with what niobe said.

Which Box said...

Catching Oh wow. Fuckers is right.

iheartchocolate said...

That is obsurd! I cannot imagine working in that office and being in a mental place where I felt persuing your money was OKAY after all you had gone through. Unbelievable. You should petition all your readers to send letters of complaint on your behalf.

Brenda said...

Just came by and had read your last few posts. I know this is not the same but one of my IVF cycles ended in a very early m/c due to the blood place misplacing 2 different lots of bloods to check progesterone levels. My levels were low but because the bloods were lost no one knew and I lost bub. The blood company then sent me a bill for the lost bloods.
I was so angry that I made up my own bill, stating my costs for a m/c and so on and sent it to them. I got no response at all so I sent a 'reminder' that stated if the bill was not paid in 30 days it would have a 20% late fee! roflol
Well the head of the blood company called me and they scrapped my blood bill. never paid my bill though! ha ha
I would send them a bill if I was you. Put all the details in it and costs for every thing they did wrong.