Fuck. The Office Administrator from the OBitch's office, a woman I have never heard of before, called me today. I didn't answer. I screened. I thought it might have been my old doc, the one I loved, but instead when I picked up the message it was this other woman. Paraphrasing, she introduced herself, and then went on to say that she had read my letter and first, she said how sorry she was for "what I went through", referring to the stillbirth, then also said how concerned she was that I was left feeling the way I did about my treatment there. She said both she and my doctor (OBitch) talked about it yesterday and that they both were saddened to read my letter. (I have a feeling my OBitch may have had other feelings about it that I likely will never know about)
And now for the scary part. She wants me to call her. She really wants to talk to me about my experience at their office. She left her private number and asked me to please call her tomorrow, (they are having phone work done today) so that she can speak to me directly. Fuck. As soon as I hung up from the message I started weeping, I don't even know why. Now I can't stop. What the fuck is going on??? What should I do? I am great at the passive aggressive letter writing stuff but personal confrontation when I feel this vulnerable is not something I ever run towards, nope not I.
And what is there to talk about, really? Are they going to try and explain away the things I felt happened to me? Another apology? I can't bear the idea of trying to talk to someone about this and just balling like a schoolgirl and not being able to get the words out the way I want to. And I don't want to have to defend myself or my feelings, I just can't do it. I'm not there yet. I could do it for anyone else, just not me. It's too close.
I want to stand up for myself, for all of us, I really do, but I don't know how...
What would you do? Any assvice from my beloved mafia moms? I need it, I really, really need it.