Fuck. The Office Administrator from the OBitch's office, a woman I have never heard of before, called me today. I didn't answer. I screened. I thought it might have been my old doc, the one I loved, but instead when I picked up the message it was this other woman. Paraphrasing, she introduced herself, and then went on to say that she had read my letter and first, she said how sorry she was for "what I went through", referring to the stillbirth, then also said how concerned she was that I was left feeling the way I did about my treatment there. She said both she and my doctor (OBitch) talked about it yesterday and that they both were saddened to read my letter. (I have a feeling my OBitch may have had other feelings about it that I likely will never know about)
And now for the scary part. She wants me to call her. She really wants to talk to me about my experience at their office. She left her private number and asked me to please call her tomorrow, (they are having phone work done today) so that she can speak to me directly. Fuck. As soon as I hung up from the message I started weeping, I don't even know why. Now I can't stop. What the fuck is going on??? What should I do? I am great at the passive aggressive letter writing stuff but personal confrontation when I feel this vulnerable is not something I ever run towards, nope not I.
And what is there to talk about, really? Are they going to try and explain away the things I felt happened to me? Another apology? I can't bear the idea of trying to talk to someone about this and just balling like a schoolgirl and not being able to get the words out the way I want to. And I don't want to have to defend myself or my feelings, I just can't do it. I'm not there yet. I could do it for anyone else, just not me. It's too close.
I want to stand up for myself, for all of us, I really do, but I don't know how...
What would you do? Any assvice from my beloved mafia moms? I need it, I really, really need it.
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Based on my experience (not with my OB's office, with the evil REs) I would say don't talk on the phone. Call, make an appointment, and then go. Get a third party to come with you-- you need witnesses in case she wants to sandbag you and then demand the money anyway. Someone trustworthy and not related to you. For that matter, ask to record the conversation with a tape recorder, so there is no misunderstanding. You have every right to say to her that you have no reason to trust that office and that you need to feel that your rights are protected if you are to talk to her.
Oh, here's an idea. Maybe the state medical association can give you an idea for a person you can bring with. I wonder if they have counselors or some such.
or.... let me call her back. muhaha
Seriously though, I would steel myself and call back. I would listen to what she had to say and keep to the point that I put my feelings about the matter in the letter and that there really wasnt much more to say or do from my perspective. A lot of uh huh's later, I would end with, so I can expect not to receive another bill, correct?
You have that friend, K. The one that helped you with the OBitch before, right? (Am I talking out of my ass here? Do you know who I'm talking about?) I like Julia's idea of going in person. Maybe you can take your friend along with you?
Fuck is right. I am EXACTLY the same. Love the passive-aggressive letter writing, can't stand the voice-to-voice/face-to-face confrontations. I can't wait to hear what you do...
PS Also like g's idea. I say you let her at 'em
I think I would go with G's advice. I don't know if I would be able to make an appt. and go back there. Do something that will make you angry first. And then you can unleash anger on her rather than tears. And you know what, so what if you cry? Maybe they need to be educated on how heartbreaking it is for a mother to endure this. I don't know. I am not saying anything original here so I will stop rambling.
I am a huge chicken when it comes to confrontation. That said, whether you decide to call or go in to talk to someone, I would try to make sure to do a couple of things.
-Have someone with you, to cheer you on or be your witness.
-Be clear in your own mind what specifically you want to get out of the conversation (cancellation of the bill, reduced fees, a written apology, whatever it is) and have that written down in front of you. So you can see it and you can stay on message if you get upset or derailed.
-Maybe have a list of points you want to make. In front of you. See above.
You are so strong, Kalakly. You can do this. If you cry, so be it. As the other commented, these people need to know the impact of stillbirth, of the loss of a child, and the impact of their actions.
I'm actually really really pissed that they're expecting YOU to call THEM back. I call bullshit right there. If they had half a brain about these things (and clearly? They don't), I think they would've tried a few times, realized you weren't picking up, and then written a letter.
Failing that. I understand not wanting to go in. Totally. I like the idea of getting them on the phone, but may start the entire conversation by saying, "I'm recording this." Gives you the up. Makes them sweat for a change. If you cry, who cares? Like CLC said, maybe they need to hear it, and now you have taped evidence if they continue to treat you like crap.
If you want to do neither, keep letting it go to voice mail, and write another letter. Have it certified overnight. For real.
I agree with what everyone else said. My assvice FWIW: If you can't face the meeting in person then do the call. Make a list of the points you want to cover and make notes for each one. Do not get sucked into saying much make them do the talking even if that means uncomfortable silences. People always hate silence and will often try and fill it saying more than they should. Either way you have the meeting I would have a third party present. Have the call on speaker phone and let them know the other person is there. You may find it better to have someone with you. Do not let them make you feel bad. You don't need to be aggressive with them just factual and to the point.
I hope it goes ok whatever you decide to do. Just remember you are not in the wrong, they are. X x x
I think you have to truly ask yourself why you sent the letter.
Did you want them to improve for the next mother? If so, then you should talk to them to further get them to understand what changes are required.
Did you do it to just release? If so, there is no need to talk to them again.
Did you do it to make them feel bad? If so, then the decision is yours regarding contacting them again.
Did you do it to prepare for a lawsuit? If so, I would contact a lawyer to get advice on next steps.
I think your true reason will help you know what is right to do next. Just know...it's your decision, not theirs.
i wish i could help but i am same as you- great at letter writing but not so great in person. just know if you do decide to call or go meet with them that you will have all of us with you in spirit cheering you on.....
I think you got all of the correct advice here, I like Tash's if you can't go in record the conversation.
So, what have you done?
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