Scratching the Surface

I hate medical research. Big words, lots of Latin(I sucked at Latin in high school) run on sentences and lots of contradictory information. My wee, overtired and rusty gray matter isn't used to all this smart people stuff. It's been awhile since I have had to use it for that purpose. And while I have amassed a number of degrees in my lifetime and am licensed, a scary thought, to practice all kinds of things here in my state, the big fat D- I got in anatomy my freshman year of college pretty much says it all when it comes to my ability to understand, let alone perform, medical procedures. And that is as it should be. Those who can, do, those who can't, teach and those who really can't, are patients, or in my case, the mom of a patient.
And even though my friends really do call me in times of medical need for a quick armchair diagnosis of many ailments, sadly I am not licensed to prescribe fun drugs or any for that matter, to anyone. I suppose the state knows I would hand out Vico.din like Halloween candy if given the chance. And the world would be a better place for it I assure you. But that's another post.
This whole allergy/anaphylaxis thing sucks. Bottom line is the docs want to find out why and what made Cason react like he did. So do I. But not at any risk to him. And guess what I have heard so far.
From my pediatrician, who I adore: "Cason isn't a good candidate for scratch testing because of his anaphylaxis." (Scratch testing is where an allergen is placed in a needle and then the patients skin is scratched with the needle to see if it reacts to the allergen) (Scratch testing can result in anaphylaxis).
Later that day from the allergist: "I want to scratch test Cason with the actual vaccines he got, diluted way back, to see if we can illicit a reaction."
From me: WTF?
Allergist then proceeds to use several phrases that generate a panic like response from my body. Phrases such as, 'highly unlikely", "very rare", "we've managed anaphylaxis in our office before", "we're equipped to handle that type of emergency here". He says these things to a woman, me, who in the past two and a half years has had a perforated uterus during a "routine' D & C and had to be rushed to the hospital because of this "rare" complication, a stillborn son, while not as rare as I thought, I later found out, it sure as hell wasn't on my radar either, and a son who according to the literature I've read, had a one in a million reaction to his vaccines. How am I supposed to take any comfort in a doctor telling me what he wants to do might, could, may, possibly, send my son back into a second episode of anaphylaxis? And I ask him, can you do it in a hospital and admit him for two days because anaphylaxis can take up to 48 hours to occur after an exposure to the allergen. He says that would mean he would have to stay at the hospital all day and he doesn't see how that would work for him. And I am in my head saying I don't see how exposing my 5 month old baby to something that can KILL him and just taking him home and watching him to see IF he has a reaction, works for me. Out loud I am trying to talk over the lump in my throat and I tell him just sitting in his office for a few hours for monitoring doesn't seem like enough, not near enough, precaution to me.
He tells me he understands my view. He knows it must have been very traumatic for me. He has NO FUCKING CLUE. I don't even know how traumatic it was for me because just thinking about it makes me want to vomit. The idea that I could have to watch it happen again. I can't even go there. The idea that it might be an acceptable risk to him and that he isn't willing to do anything more to protect against it than just watch and wait. Fucking nuts.
Allergist is going to talk to his partners about what I asked for. I doubt they will agree. My pediatrician thought it wasn't an unreasonable request. But of course, he saw the reaction first hand, the allergist didn't.
There are more blood tests they can do but none of them will conclusively tell us what happened. There is a theory that it was gela.tin, a binding agent in the DT.A.P vaccine but without eliminating the others we can't know if it was that or a combination of the vaccines or what. And if we want to have Cason vaccinated we need to know as much as possible about him and his allergies.
Which is why I am doing this medical research stuff. It is also why I need a vico.din. Damn D- in anatomy anyway.