tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post8672979507994067069..comments2023-11-05T02:21:55.387-08:00Comments on this is not what i had planned: Let it all Out...k@laklyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05366772609212990882noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-26573420476163708652007-12-24T07:54:00.000-08:002007-12-24T07:54:00.000-08:00Your list could be my list...even the cat. Yet, I ...Your list could be my list...even the cat. Yet, I did have to put my beloved cat to sleep last weekend--on the same day I had a miscarriage. Did I mention that I also lost my baby girl at 20 weeks this past March? How much can we all take in one year?<BR/><BR/>So, here are some of my additions--thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to vent.<BR/><BR/>-that my 4 year old daughter said to me for months after I lost the baby in March, "I pray that you don't die and I don't die"<BR/><BR/>-that my 6 year old daughter shared with her whole class that her mommy was having a baby and a week later had to tell them that the baby died.<BR/><BR/>-that I am going to be 40 in a few months and the chances of me having another healthy baby may not be a reality. And even if it is, how many losses can I go through emotionally to reach that healthy baby...how much do I have to have my kids suffer when I suffer...10 months of worry will take a toll on them.<BR/><BR/>-that I got pregnant last month and had great beta scores only to miscarry. Why give me hope and just rip it away like that?<BR/><BR/>-that on the same day as above I brought my cat to the vet b/c he was not using his litter box at all and found out his liver was failing and would have complete organ failure within a few days so my only choice was to put him to sleep.<BR/><BR/>-that I found out last Christmas day that I was pregnant.<BR/><BR/>-that I am present but not there. <BR/><BR/>-that I am missing the joy of my other children<BR/><BR/>-that most other people in my life have absolutely no appreciation for how vulnerable life is and complain, complain, complain.<BR/><BR/>-that I look at pictures of myself prior to March and don't even know that person<BR/><BR/>I can go on...thank you again for allowing me to let it out...acchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15740462077596329141noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-73984071778572281212007-12-23T11:15:00.000-08:002007-12-23T11:15:00.000-08:00I could have written everything you said.I am angr...I could have written everything you said.<BR/><BR/>I am angry that it is Christmas and instead of celebrating one year with our baby girl, we're left with a box of memories.Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12559858326216119651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-27564522568515880692007-12-20T11:38:00.000-08:002007-12-20T11:38:00.000-08:00I am new to your blog but I think after I go have ...I am new to your blog but I think after I go have a good cry I will make a post like this. ((( Hugs ))) I am so sorry =(Hopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08613314684190005216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-55707441885065611122007-12-20T06:46:00.000-08:002007-12-20T06:46:00.000-08:00That I'm still producing milk.That I have to go to...That I'm still producing milk.<BR/><BR/>That I have to go to a support group to meet others who hopefully offer me way back to myself for the sake of my family's well being.<BR/><BR/>That the milk is going away more and more every day.<BR/><BR/>That my husband now incessantly thinks about his own mortality and is now the person he was just eleven short months ago.<BR/><BR/>That I am pressured to "Be strong."<BR/><BR/>That I am mourning for three dead babies and that it took the death of a full term baby to make me realize that fact.<BR/><BR/>That we all have to be here.<BR/><BR/>That faith in anything is wasted since there are no guarantees about anything.<BR/><BR/>That my spirit as well as my body is broken. <BR/><BR/>That few people that I know understand.<BR/><BR/>That medicine doesn't help me. After all there are medicines that provide 4 hour erections right?<BR/><BR/>That I can't run away and hide somewhere far from home.<BR/><BR/>I could go on but I think it's enough. What an eye-opening post. Guess I'm angry too.a-https://www.blogger.com/profile/10228242752506448324noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-64670133236151726802007-12-19T08:02:00.000-08:002007-12-19T08:02:00.000-08:00That my sister-in-law and I were pregnant at the s...<I>That my sister-in-law and I were pregnant at the same time, due a day apart. She is still pregnant, I am not.<BR/><BR/>That my relationship with my sister-in-law is different now. And it's my fault.</I><BR/><BR/>This really struck a chord with me, since I was in a very similar situation and it makes me so, so sad. <BR/><BR/>My SIL and I were due a week apart. She now has a beautiful almost-one-year-old girl and I have . . . two dead babies. <BR/><BR/>Though we used to be close, I haven't seen or spoken to my SIL since my twins died. I've never even seen a picture of her baby. I can't imagine ever talking to my SIL again.niobehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08315267454529454063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-60770481649795304372007-12-18T17:19:00.000-08:002007-12-18T17:19:00.000-08:00Okay, so I wrote this out once before. I don't thi...Okay, so I wrote this out once before. I don't think it got through though. Maybe I just said too much ;o) <BR/><BR/>My 6 year old son, like your son, is protecting me as well. He finds it hard to see me cry. I'm sorry that he has to deal with this at all. <BR/><BR/>Here are my additions:<BR/><BR/>That my daughter came home from pre-school the other day and said, "Mommy, Ashley and Sara (not their real names) said they're not going to die. They are going to die, Mommy, right? Everybody dies, right?"<BR/><BR/>That when I told my kids the other day that I had a dream I was pregnant, my son said, "Did that baby die too?"<BR/><BR/>That my SIL sent me a Christmas photocard the other day of her newborn daughter, born 7 days before Callum died. (Lots of unfounded anger here...)<BR/><BR/>That when I was talking to an acquaintance the other day about what had happened, she said (in not so many words) that it was meant to happen this way and if he had been born, he would have been sick and would have died anyway. Her husband then said, "Well, you can have more kids though, can't you?"<BR/><BR/>That I will not be lying somewhere hot and drinking beverages with paper umbrellas in them over the Christmas holidays.<BR/><BR/>That my mom keeps telling me to "Be strong". I love my mom, but if I have to hear her say that again I might just scratch her eyes out. <BR/><BR/>That I have to wake up each day without him.<BR/><BR/>That he is dead.<BR/><BR/>That he is dead.<BR/><BR/>That he is dead.<BR/><BR/>(I think I should probably write a similar blog of my own. Thanks for letting me vent.)c.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02933776400434137451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-76886002029458504942007-12-18T12:39:00.000-08:002007-12-18T12:39:00.000-08:00That everyone else I know got their baby but I did...That everyone else I know got their baby but I didn't.<BR/><BR/>That I have had to go back to work and get treated like nothing happened.<BR/><BR/>That I take pleasure in pushing people to try and get them to talk about what happened when they so obviously don't want to.<BR/><BR/>That I have to go through another pregnancy if I want a family. <BR/><BR/>That this Christmas sucks more than I can even tell you. <BR/><BR/>That I can't stand most of my friends now. <BR/><BR/>But mainly like you that my baby is deadCoggyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07435179051565255934noreply@blogger.com