tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post3407230626193908330..comments2023-11-05T02:21:55.387-08:00Comments on this is not what i had planned: Living with 'IT'k@laklyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05366772609212990882noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-25487116289034039542009-10-03T00:40:38.941-07:002009-10-03T00:40:38.941-07:00You know reading the first part of your post was e...You know reading the first part of your post was exactly my thoughts lately. A conversation my dad had years ago with my mum when she said (after a terrible pg with me)that she couldnt/wouldnt have anymore babies. Dad cam right out and said to her that he was fine with that if thats what she wanted BUT if something should ever happen to me she wouldnt have a reason to get up in the morning. (my cousin had just died of SIDS so it was probably dad dealing with that that made him even think like that, not just because he is morbid). Having another baby never replaces the one you have lost but they do make you get up and shower, eat and function as best you can.<br /><br />Hugs<br />xxxBrenda - you can now find me at : www.lifecanbeashit.wordpress.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15586938007918553170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-6514786844766843152009-10-01T15:37:34.078-07:002009-10-01T15:37:34.078-07:00Um. Wow. Such an amazing post. For so many diff...Um. Wow. Such an amazing post. For so many different reasons.niobehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10685766216611639434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-22196346157302295492009-10-01T11:01:52.490-07:002009-10-01T11:01:52.490-07:00Hi, I am visiting from LFCA. your post was a real ...Hi, I am visiting from LFCA. your post was a real eye opener for me. thank you so much for writing it.<br />It really rings true that when horrific things happen what options does one have? Curl up in a ball forever and shrivel up or keep going and have to deal with the pain everyday while living what others' think is either a normal or heroic life. <br />Thank you for telling it like it is. And for what it's worth, I think you are allowed to name your own DB club without asking permission from others who are clueless. <br />(HUGS) TG:)tireegal68https://www.blogger.com/profile/13943003575298698264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-50065685927536587782009-10-01T08:59:37.423-07:002009-10-01T08:59:37.423-07:00I needed this... two weeks shy of the six-month ma...I needed this... two weeks shy of the six-month mark of my loss, and oh god did I need this.<br /><br />Most days, I am sane. Other days I am the crazy lady who enjoys others' discomfort over my dead baby. I call it like it is- and I make no apologies for that. They think THEY'RE uncomfortable hearing about it?? I tell them to try LIVING it. It's a constant state of uncomfortable- you learn to live with it.PottyMouthMommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14554822790727430469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-30067973872742947212009-10-01T08:50:33.599-07:002009-10-01T08:50:33.599-07:00Yes, dead baby makes me cringe every time...but th...Yes, dead baby makes me cringe every time...but that is a horrific experience that should not be euphemised into nothingness.<br /><br />Here from LFCAareyoukiddingmehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16107214079237461141noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-11616440290065394342009-09-27T14:49:21.539-07:002009-09-27T14:49:21.539-07:00This absolutely nailed it for me. I've thought...This absolutely nailed it for me. I've thought A LOT about the way we're portrayed in the media and the huge chasm between that and our daily reality. I've nearly blogged about it. In the end I couldn't say it any more perfectly than you do.Fireflyforeverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15290560217994184778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-73600380341804725082009-09-27T09:02:46.355-07:002009-09-27T09:02:46.355-07:00@charmedgirl: you are so right.
I hate wednesday...@charmedgirl: you are so right. <br /><br />I hate wednesdays coz it was a wednesday that we heard our girl was dead but I love thursdays coz she was born on a thursday and that's when I got to hold her. <br /><br />I actually indulge in reliving holding her. Don't think other people are likely to get thatCazhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11612645274970749043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-80660243646837867282009-09-27T08:59:37.136-07:002009-09-27T08:59:37.136-07:00Ditto!
I read your thoughts and they could be my ...Ditto!<br /><br />I read your thoughts and they could be my own. <br /><br />The other day a friend said to me she was "proud" of me for going to a meeting. It p'd me off for some reason. What's there to be proud of? That I'm surviving? That I am dragging myself out of bed and better still, out of my pjs, to start to rejoin humanity? That's not an achievement, it's mere survival. My other choice is death really I guess. <br /><br />It's been 3.5 weeks for me only. It feels like a lifetime. I feel so OLD. I feel so APART from everyone. It's the loneliest place on earth.Cazhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11612645274970749043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-19525051019134509532009-09-25T17:19:53.517-07:002009-09-25T17:19:53.517-07:00If there were a nutshell for how we feel, this wou...If there were a nutshell for how we feel, this would certainly be at least half of it. :)Rivalenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16844228169171090808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-22407582742540733282009-09-24T16:16:21.241-07:002009-09-24T16:16:21.241-07:00Thank you for writing this. I don't even know ...Thank you for writing this. I don't even know what to say, except, Yes. And, Thank you for writing this. <br /><br />XOXSuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03812637630030228124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-35906584550453233082009-09-24T10:58:29.447-07:002009-09-24T10:58:29.447-07:00this was excellent. thank you. xothis was excellent. thank you. xoJennihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17682133967979817385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-82236994873094047152009-09-23T09:39:19.245-07:002009-09-23T09:39:19.245-07:00i just luv how your friend thinks 'we' sho...i just luv how your friend thinks 'we' should rename our group. It's not like there was a vote on the name in the first place. But it is accepted by those who wish to face their reality (I am sure there are some bloggers who avoid it - and different 'groups' in the blogosphere to boot)Ya Chunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08816837461370619194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-72917241308120358062009-09-23T07:56:20.029-07:002009-09-23T07:56:20.029-07:00This is a truly great post. You hit the nail on t...This is a truly great post. You hit the nail on the head.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09211028670642739808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-75753240227169046872009-09-23T07:03:43.025-07:002009-09-23T07:03:43.025-07:00I second Charmy's thoughts in that the birth a...I second Charmy's thoughts in that the birth and the deadbaby being the highlights of this experience. Can you imagine what people would think of that? It is absolutely the living through it, the surviving in spite of it that is the hardest. <br /><br />Thoughtful post, K.c.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02933776400434137451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-61801357067273505012009-09-23T05:55:18.967-07:002009-09-23T05:55:18.967-07:00the hilarious thing is, most (if not all) people t...the hilarious thing is, most (if not all) people think that the birth and the dead baby, there in their arms, is what they couldn't survive....when in fact, those are the fucking HIGHLIGHTS. it's the plain ole daily living without them that will rip your soul bit by bit until you have no choice but to sit the fuck up and decide who you want to be.<br /><br />what an excellent, excellent post, kal.<br /><br />(and yes, i do so love the dead baby jokes!)charmedgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12317107200577724625noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-11766890665117828732009-09-23T03:55:49.605-07:002009-09-23T03:55:49.605-07:00This is something I'd love to print up in a br...This is something I'd love to print up in a brochure and give to people. It was so beautiful and hits the nail on the head.Michelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17681333723382119281noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-25201134995936248132009-09-22T17:47:37.305-07:002009-09-22T17:47:37.305-07:00This is brilliant, absolutely brilliant, K. Well s...This is brilliant, absolutely brilliant, K. Well said!!!loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-9875322787918854222009-09-22T16:40:59.028-07:002009-09-22T16:40:59.028-07:00Beautiful post. My sentiments too. Like Angie, I a...Beautiful post. My sentiments too. Like Angie, I also thought I wish I had the balls to send this to people I knew. Thank you.CLChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08030787972960755420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-31065270160828666632009-09-22T15:44:07.250-07:002009-09-22T15:44:07.250-07:00You're beautiful.You're beautiful.Aunt Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12146687582842259611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-76853801073235553162009-09-22T15:10:43.705-07:002009-09-22T15:10:43.705-07:00Wow, fantastic, thought-provoking post, K. I'm...Wow, fantastic, thought-provoking post, K. I'm with Angie and would like to email this en masse to everyone I know. I hated hearing "oh I could never survive what you have" because it implies they think they loved their kid more than me. Nope, not true. We survive because we have to. What is the other option really? I mean we all know it but it is too dark to go there.<br />And I saw that Private Practice episode and had the same thoughts as you. Way to portray the woman gone nuts with her grief! I tell you though, as a pregnant woman, it probably wasn't a wise idea to keep watching! But in the end I almost had to laugh.<br />Love it when you post. You are one of those a bit further up this road I really look to for light and guidance. So thank you for that.Hope's Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04984543289642681339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-85678575303428124332009-09-22T13:46:13.018-07:002009-09-22T13:46:13.018-07:00Beautifully written and so true. Thank you.Beautifully written and so true. Thank you.Catherine Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01618295389400457254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-4498508059421354852009-09-22T13:03:52.474-07:002009-09-22T13:03:52.474-07:00Yup. couldn't have said that last bit any bet...Yup. couldn't have said that last bit any better myself.<br /><br />I keep thinking how much I so fucking HATED people saying, "It just takes time. You'll feel better in time." But sadly, they were right. It does take time. A lot of it. (This is different than "you'll feel a bit better every day," which someone else said to me, and that's still a load of shit.) <br /><br />I keep thinking about my identity, and how it's changed, if at all. I don't think I want this to be a part of my identity, just a part of what happened to me, and my identity is what got me through and out the other side without becoming homicidal or alcoholic. That touchy line about wanting people to remember, but not wanting to be defined as HER.<br /><br />And I love the turn deadbaby. For me, I can't imagine using anything else. Cheers to you, sorry I haven't been here in a spell. xoTashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-48929240259554391242009-09-22T13:01:11.692-07:002009-09-22T13:01:11.692-07:00Really amazing post. You just nailed it, and I wis...Really amazing post. You just nailed it, and I wish I could send this out to everyone I know, so they could understand this isn't superhuman, extraordinary, it is survival. Period. Thank you for this.still life angiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15150141781089602529noreply@blogger.com