tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post2055770421210303776..comments2023-11-05T02:21:55.387-08:00Comments on this is not what i had planned: All my eggs in one Basketk@laklyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05366772609212990882noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-63829238324837638782008-05-08T11:06:00.000-07:002008-05-08T11:06:00.000-07:00My heart hurts reading this. (I am going backward...My heart hurts reading this. (I am going backwards through your posts)<BR/><BR/>I can understand this idea as coping, I can imagine I would have the very same thoughts.iheartchocolatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06506809401305000430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-88471490210795497502008-04-02T15:21:00.000-07:002008-04-02T15:21:00.000-07:00When we lost Masyn, I couldn't imagine getting pre...When we lost Masyn, I couldn't imagine getting pregnant in the immediate future---or any time that I would have been still pregnant with Masyn. Does that make sense?<BR/>Well, my husband was ready to start trying again before I was... I for some reason, just felt like I should wait....I should allow a certain amount of time....<BR/>I don't know...it was just how my brain worked at the time...Lainey-Paneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07722187515774744428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-32548635593333054102008-03-31T15:44:00.000-07:002008-03-31T15:44:00.000-07:00"That a healthy, alive baby will be my "Get out of..."That a healthy, alive baby will be my "Get out of Dead Baby Land Free" pass."<BR/><BR/>i'll take a "get out of DBL pass," but CHRIST ABOVE is it NOT FREE.<BR/><BR/>(and the more i try to run away from here the more i realize the price.)charmedgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12317107200577724625noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-14757128461969550802008-03-30T05:35:00.000-07:002008-03-30T05:35:00.000-07:00I relate to so much of this post. Right now the on...I relate to so much of this post. Right now the only thing that gets me through the days is thinking about when we can try to get pregnant again.<BR/><BR/>Im equally terrified of being pregnant again, I know that I will never enjoy a minute of another pregnancy after this...Little Miss Hopefulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08709032854431313032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-4647697754809590422008-03-28T13:07:00.000-07:002008-03-28T13:07:00.000-07:00that should say the we're not TTC approach.... see...that should say the we're not TTC approach..<BR/><BR/>.. see my brain is completely addled.Coggyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07435179051565255934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-88443151785998232292008-03-28T13:06:00.000-07:002008-03-28T13:06:00.000-07:00I don't know what to think about anything any more...I don't know what to think about anything any more. I'm pretty sure that having another baby isn't going to fix me and sure isn't going to make me suddenly happy. The more time passes the more I realize this. <BR/><BR/>On the other hand I want a family more than I anything so I have no choice but to keep trying. With every month that passes I just end up feeling like more of a failure, which in itself is not helping me any. <BR/><BR/>Wanna try the head in the sand pretend I'm we're TTC approach I'm adopting? Not sure it's going to work, but as I have no control over what's going to happen I'm sick of running it round my tiny mind. <BR/><BR/>Arrrggghhhh! It's all just one screwed up mind-bending thing after another after another after another right nowCoggyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07435179051565255934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-9418339498637086442008-03-28T03:55:00.000-07:002008-03-28T03:55:00.000-07:00If I'm lucky, I might end up with a baby some othe...If I'm lucky, I might end up with a baby some other way. But once I developed preeclampsia, I knew that that would be my last pregnancy. The risks are just too great for me to go through it ever again.niobehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10685766216611639434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-1612698041802738552008-03-27T22:15:00.000-07:002008-03-27T22:15:00.000-07:00Dude, I hadn't delivered yet when I was asking my ...Dude, I hadn't delivered yet when I was asking my doc about "the next time," and he was answering, without batting an eye. They know it's normal. <BR/><BR/>What you are feeling now is normal too. As is not wanting to "go out" delivering a dead baby. All normal. And none of it makes things any easier. <BR/><BR/>I know you will find your way eventually. A few drinks along the way are not a bad thing either.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09745262857388007041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-70194506622604008702008-03-27T18:50:00.000-07:002008-03-27T18:50:00.000-07:00OBitch is a fitting name. Who the hell is in this ...OBitch is a fitting name. Who the hell is in this biz and can be so facking stupid to say that?<BR/>I'm sorry you had to endure her.<BR/>Thinking of you and your basket.moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-52221059952675904192008-03-26T19:55:00.000-07:002008-03-26T19:55:00.000-07:00We're only human! Don't beat yourself up with guil...We're only human! Don't beat yourself up with guilt... you try because you want a child, not necessarily because you want to replace the one(s) you lost!Joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15883583894037185964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-50454545245643432892008-03-26T10:50:00.000-07:002008-03-26T10:50:00.000-07:00I did go on to have two babies (one immediately pl...I did go on to have two babies (one immediately planned, in fact his due date was my first son's anniv and one that was a surprise) but I didn't have children before my son's death. <BR/><BR/>Obviously our situation is not the same but one thing came to mind when I read your post...<BR/><BR/>When my husband and I decided to have a baby, we were also decided to raise a baby. Having my son but having to say goodbye did not fill the desire to raise a baby. My second son did fill some of that void...not all because I still longed for my first son but my arms were not empty. I was distracted by a newborn, which brings both good and bad emotions. <BR/><BR/>I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think it's bad that you're thinking about another baby. Just like there is no right way to handle a silent birth, there is no right way to the path taken after a silent birth.Triciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07362574669374990320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-40068089567912203942008-03-25T20:09:00.000-07:002008-03-25T20:09:00.000-07:00I could have written so much of this post. There's...I could have written so much of this post. There's also something about the joy and hope that's surrounds a pregnancy before experiencing a loss like this. I know I wanted that joy and hope back, I still do, even though I was sick every day of the 20 weeks I was pregnant. There was hope there. I think that's what's driving me. We are SO not ready to try again, and we know it.<BR/><BR/>At my 2 week post-partum appointment, my OB (after telling me I had a gross uterine infection) asked us if we wanted a prescription for birth control. We almost laughed out loud in his face. Took us 2 years to get pg, we desperately want children, and there was nothing happening down there at *least* as long as I had the infection. Not much danger of pg here.Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03812637630030228124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-75452081287697638192008-03-25T17:00:00.000-07:002008-03-25T17:00:00.000-07:00Alright, I'm the loner. I'm totally not here. No...Alright, I'm the loner. I'm totally not here. Not only do I not have eggs to put a proverbial basket, I just don't want to go through the whole damn thing again. I told myself before Maddy was born that I was done, and dammit, I'm pretty sure I still mean it. Not only don't I think it will make things remotely "right," but it will REALLY screw with me, not just during the pregnancy, delivery, and aftermath, but I probably won't accept a living child is actually here until s/he's in 2nd grade. And what fun is that? I will be so detached I'll be one of those women you read about who gives birth in the bathroom and doesn't know it.<BR/><BR/>Honestly, i really can't imagine it. At all.Tashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-19859203259743018772008-03-25T15:40:00.000-07:002008-03-25T15:40:00.000-07:00God, it sounds like we have all felt this way. Bef...God, it sounds like we have all felt this way. Before I even delivered Hannah, I asked the doctor when we could start trying again. And I felt like the doctor was looking at me like I was crazy. But it sounds like he's probably used to that question coming from deadbabymoms. <BR/><BR/>I don't know if another baby will make it better or not. The sad reality is that C@leb is not here, and I am guessing that he's the one you want. I guess a new baby could bring any of us some joy, but I think if people look at us closely enough, we will always have the sad eyes because there is one person that will always be missing. I feel badly for the women you mention who suffered this alone a long time ago. <BR/><BR/>Dude, what is up with your OBitch? I hope you have found a new one. Sounds like she needs a course in compassion.CLChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08030787972960755420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-76844687529333460712008-03-25T14:29:00.000-07:002008-03-25T14:29:00.000-07:00The only real hope I have is that another baby mig...The only real hope I have is that another baby might help me to heal this deadbaby pain just a little. It's a tiny hope... but I'll take that over nothing at all.c.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02933776400434137451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-15866124723867715902008-03-25T14:05:00.000-07:002008-03-25T14:05:00.000-07:00I've been consumed since the birth with the idea o...I've been consumed since the birth with the idea of getting pregnant again. It's been my driving force. Honestly, I don't think I would have been able to survive the last two months without that distraction.<BR/><BR/>Of course that meant I wasn't grieving fully. I was distracting myself. So now, two months later I'm grieving deeply again and struggling to function. It started the moment I eased off the lets get pregnant right away mission. <BR/><BR/>At least those two months bought me a little time to adjust. It was just too painful to deal with it all right away.Antigonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09206205690072218302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-6706267874633986572008-03-25T13:09:00.000-07:002008-03-25T13:09:00.000-07:00I'm fairly certain I would have the same reaction ...I'm fairly certain I would have the same reaction as you. Make it better, make it better FAST.<BR/><BR/>*hugs*Aunt Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12146687582842259611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-24170654287806981162008-03-25T10:53:00.000-07:002008-03-25T10:53:00.000-07:00I think it is completely normal to be thinking abo...I think it is completely normal to be thinking about the next pregnancy. I know I did the same thing too.<BR/><BR/>I know what you mean about all the eggs in the fragile little basket. It is scary.meghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00113578396438869433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-20653297389821842552008-03-25T08:28:00.000-07:002008-03-25T08:28:00.000-07:00I think of how pathetic I must have sounded, sitti...I think of how pathetic I must have sounded, sitting there in that hospital bed, hooked up the the IV, letting the contractions roll, asking my doctor when we could try again.<BR/><BR/>It's scary as hell thinking about the eggs in that neurotic basket. Consolation? We will be here together.G$https://www.blogger.com/profile/05010373805685335151noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-18576051733829050492008-03-25T08:11:00.000-07:002008-03-25T08:11:00.000-07:00I understand exactly how you feel. I was thinking...I understand exactly how you feel. I was thinking about this similar conversation Shan and I had after, we found out we lost William and before I delivered him. <BR/><BR/>Shan said almost immediately, we can try again. Now, that was the actual woman in him talking because now the man came back...his "boys" are on strike. He's not sure how long the strike will last. That's upsetting to me but then again, my eggs have flown out of the basket over the years and gone splat. I'm hoping now that the ones I have left aren't too fragile to be well...fertilized by the "boys" or "girls" for that matter. <BR/><BR/>I don't like that any of us has to think about this all in these terms now, of what might or might not ease some of the pain. As we all know now nothing will get us out of this hell, we are stuck here forever. I guess, I'm hoping for something that might ease the pain a smidge, even if that is having myself a living child that can look towards the sky and see his or her brother looking back. <BR/><BR/>I am thinking of you and sending you hugs!Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00912286121374215944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-55306217624188114822008-03-25T05:22:00.000-07:002008-03-25T05:22:00.000-07:00I so understand..I too or we too said we will 'try...I so understand..I too or we too said we will 'try again' hours after seeing the scan that Noah was dead. 3 days before I finally pushed him out. And yet I had NO IDEA of the implications of being dead baby person then...i just 'wanted a baby..my baby' and really still do. But shit what is normal and when if ever is this new baby coming our way. hmmm life long members of hell club...ange xAngehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04247910522550279292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-71502466455046296042008-03-25T04:58:00.000-07:002008-03-25T04:58:00.000-07:00I almost feel you live inside my head. I feel righ...I almost feel you live inside my head. I feel right now there is no way to ever make things "right" again. It has happened and we can only pick up and move on from here; even though most days I still desperately try to rewind and go back... I forgot how I found your blog but it has really resonated with me. hugs to you and best wishes.<BR/>Janis<BR/>http://ferdinandsgifts.wordpress.comjanishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14326099151319592743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4335150632431753345.post-53399461722295109292008-03-24T18:43:00.000-07:002008-03-24T18:43:00.000-07:00I don't think you're the first one to feel any - o...I don't think you're the first one to feel any - or all - of it. I lost my daughter almost 8 months ago and immediately did the same math - the "How quickly can I make us seem normal again" calculation. It took me a few months longer than I had planned to get pregnant again, and I'm glad...being pregnant again has actually made me feel even less normal, because on top of the grief I'm still not over, I feel guilty for trying so hard not to get attached to this baby. And I can't have 3 Mike's Hard Lemonades and a sleeping pill on a bad day. I have come to the same conclusion as you - like it or not, you're just in the club forever.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10127954206218934557noreply@blogger.com